doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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