Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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