I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
