Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
