Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
