ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
