I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
