He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
