her vagine was all disorganized.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
