white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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