I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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