i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
