I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
