my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
