Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
