when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drake has all the answers
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
