i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
