Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize