4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
