Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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