I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
