Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
