fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
