So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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