she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
