you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
