just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've blown a few things in my day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
