I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this boner is exhausting
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
