DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
