We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
