Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
