it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
