Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
