I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
