He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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