it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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