Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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