Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
