I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
