my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
