shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my poor anus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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