who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
