My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
