DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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