I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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