just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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