Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
