ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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