I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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