Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
