I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
