Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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