Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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