if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
