obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
