She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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