i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
