he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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