She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
either way he was missing a nipple.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
