Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
