next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
