I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize