Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
