dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
