Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
