i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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