i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
